EDWARD: Before I go out to my Vampire Bachelor Party, Bella… there’s something I have to tell you. About myself.
BELLA: Are you… gay?
EDWARD: Subsequent events will prove that this is not the case, no.
BELLA: Are you not a virgin?
BOTH OF THEM: LOL
BELLA: No, seriously, what, then?
EDWARD: Well… back in the ’30s… I had a rebellious phase where, orphaned by my real parents, I stalked the mean streets of a dark city, to vam and to pire those who would make the innocent their victims, and I brooded over it broodsomely 24/7.
BELLA: So… basically, you were Batman. Vampire Batman.
EDWARD: With a jaunty cap, yes.
EMMETT [outside]: HEY BRO YOU GONNA PARTY OR WHAT?
BELLA: So are there, like, Victorian strippers in the woods or something?
EDWARD: Nah, just a few mountain lions. Party platter of bear and elk.
My great-grandmother isn’t doing well and is probably going to pass away in the next few days. I’m flying back to Texas on Friday. But right now, I’m having to slog away at work and worry because I’m a couple of thousand miles away.
So. I guess I’ll be distracting myself with funny stuff on Tumblr.